In His Perfect Time

We live in a world where only the fastest and best win. Where most everyone is focused on getting there first. I spent most of my growing-up years at the back of the pack. I was slow to walk, slow to run, slow to pick up new skills, just slow. My parents were continually told that I needed to be evaluated because there were just things I couldn't do at an age where most could do them. My parents didn't have me evaluated because they believe I would do it in my time, and there was no sense in rushing me to grow up. I admire that. I'm having trouble adopting that philosophy.

My son is slower. He was 3.5 weeks premature and he has my inherent "slowness." I'm honestly not sure what the right word is, he just does things in his time and, compared, to the average, he is "behind." He didn't crawl till l0 months, walk till 19 months, talk till basically 2 years and didn't start jumping up and down on both feet till about four months ago and he just turned three. So compared to most kids, he's "slower." At 18 months, he was evaluated by his pediatrician and Early Childhood Intervention programs were recommended for him. He needed some extra help to catch up to the standard. I am not in any way knocking these programs because they are wonderful, but I think my son would have figured out his motor and social skills eventually regardless of the help. He just does things in his own time.

It's not that he isn't smart. He counts to 20, and memorizes everything. I can read him a book once and he can recite the entire thing from memory. He has a million songs memorized in his head and he's always on the beat. However, it's hard to remember these things when kids are climbing up the slide by themselves and your kid needs help. It's hard to remember all the wonderful things my sweet boy can do when he can't comprehend communication that other kids his age can. It makes me as a mom wonder what I'm doing wrong? Am I not parenting correctly? Am I not teaching him at home? It's got to be me, right? I just want to fix it, when in all honestly, there's nothing to fix.

He just turned three in July so he was enrolled in the three-year-old class at his Parent's Day Out. I was excited for him but also a little nervous because I was afraid he would get left behind. He struggled with instructions and workload. He struggled with obeying and listening to certain commands, and got so overwhelmed he had several regressions. It was hard on him, and he's only been in his class three times. He just couldn't handle it.

And it all comes down to one thing: my pride. I wanted my son to do things that other three-year-olds do regardless of whether he was ready or not. I continually let comparison rob me of the joy of my wonderful, amazing boy, because I thought he should be doing what other kids his age are doing. I was hurting him. So I pulled him out of the three-year-old class and put him back in the twos. Because it's not up to my timing. It's up to God's timing. Why have I been so impatient? Why have I let the world and Facebook rob me of my joy. Why have I stopped focusing on the things that matter? Why am I putting pressure on my son when he's not ready? Why can't I let him be a kid and enjoy life while he's still innocent of all the junk life can throw at us? The path I was going down was going to be the catalyst behind all of his self doubts as he grew up if I let it progress.

My boy's perfect. He's just a little boy born with a summer birthday. He's the first-born child with no one to look to for example at home. And he will accomplish all of life's milestones in his time.

This whole thing made me think of God's timing. How I continually rush God. How I think God should fulfill his promises to me immediately. Or answer my prayers immediately. It's not my time. It's not my will. It's HIS.

So if you've ever struggled with these things, you're not alone. Have you ever had to make a hard decision for the well-being of your kid? Well then praises to you that you put your babies in front of your pride, because it's hard.

Have a great weekend!

KB

"The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."
2 Peter 3:9

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil."
Ephesians 5:15-16

"Now for Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen."
Jude 24-25

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